Why the Universe Doesn’t Want me to Fade into Normality – a True Story.

When I was an intern at LAO, my bosses and I used to argue about what day is the worst day. We agreed saying Monday is overrated – you still have the buzz from the weekend, everyone spends most of the morning talking and catching up, and then you basically go home and try to cure the leftover hangover. I argued it was Tuesdays, but my bosses Liz and Mitch shot me down – saying Taco Tuesdayis enough to make up for Tuesdays to be bad. They said it was Wednesday, but I said that Wine Wednesdays was enough, and once you’re over Wednesday you’re at Thursday. Thursdays were always good. You have an obligation to crush work so that you don’t have to work on Friday, leading to an always-fun-Thursday-rager. This brings us into Friday, a day of donuts, long lunches, and minimal actual work.

That being said, I still think it’s Tuesday.

But this Tuesday wasn’t horrible. I woke up a little later than I’d planned (it was a Tuesday), was a little unenthusiastic about the less appealing tasks I had to complete at work (it was a Tuesday), ate lunch at my desk because I was too busy for a lunch break but it didn’t feel soul crushing or anything like that – I just had stuff to do, ended up finishing my work a little earlier than expected and was happy to go to an earlier yoga class, which meant I could get home faster. I got home around 6:30, made myself dinner, and thought I had some time to go for a jog to the store to pick up a birthday card for my mom before Ryan could come over. We’d probably binge watch a few episodes of Lost before going to sleep early (it was a Tuesday).

This time last year, this Tuesday would’ve made me absolutely insane or put me over into some existential tangent about the meaning of life; but this time I felt a sort of peaceful contentment about the whole situation: being off early, going to an early yoga class, having some time to relax before relaxing some more. I even noted that this was weird. I thought, wow. This is what a normal life feels like. I think I get it.

But then the Universe was like, wtf is going on in Liz Land?! She doesn’t get normal. No normal for her!

So what did it do? It sent a crazy lady to California Avenue – one of the safest areas in Los Angeles County — and she attacked!

Backtrack to me about to have a super normal quiet evening run. I was carrying my phone with my credit card tucked into the case – I didn’t even bring headphones because the store is so close. I must have gone a whole block before the Universe’s joke decided to shout at me to turn around. I stopped running, and when I turned, some psycho woman threw an open coke bottle at me. I was so confused it took me a second for it to register what had happened. When I did, I was like, WTF and the lady LUNGED. For no reason other than the joke that was that Tuesday, a crazed woman decided to start slow-motion-tai-chi-ing me. It was a weird situation – I didn’t want to hurt someone who could clearly not do me any real harm, but at the same time – there was a crazy lady throwing kicks and punches at me in (almost) broad daylight.  I decided enough was enough, so I got really close to her and just sort of yelled – like the way my Dad taught me to yell if I ever saw a mountain lion or something on a hike – a yell to scare her, not to show I was scared.

It worked, and she ran away. Some guys were driving by and called the cops, so the cops came by to take down a report and try to hunt down the crazy. I knew they wouldn’t find her though – the Universe probably sent her to some other human who isn’t allowed to be normal.

So, what did I learn from this experience?

  • California Avenue is home to a crazy-straw hatted-Mrs. Miagi-wanna be. Be on the lookout.
  • Never take normal moments for granted. The Universe will getcha.
  • Tuesdays are still the worst day.

So now, on to a long labor day…where I’ll be hanging out with my family in Norcal, doing some baby yoga with my favorite nephew, happy birthday-ing my mom, and wine tasting around Livermore, California. Don’t worry Universe, it’ll be just as crazy as the last time I was home:

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