{Other than “what am I doing with my life”}

10.      Should I go to sleep or get a coffee? 

The logic: I mean, it’s 6am and I’m a morning person.  The day can easily begin in about 2 hours, aka a coffee and subway ride home.  Maybe you should get a coffee and party through it.

The dilemma: This could be the alcohol talking.  You remember that phrase “nothing good happens after 2am,” and wonder until what time where good things are allowed to begin again.

9.         Am I hungry?

The logic: You are full of alcohol and have not eaten in 10 hours.  Your caloric intake is based solely on fermented wheat.  Maybe you should see what those guys are selling on the corner and hope it’s not drugs.

The dilemma: You don’t know if you’re actually hungry.  Do I really want a hotdog sold by a random stranger on the street?  Also, if I eat right now, shouldn’t I also get coffee?  And if I get coffee, should I skip the hotdog for a donut?

8.         Do I text him/her?

The logic: You miss him/her.  You’re drunk and you just lasted the entire night without sloppily making out with some drunkard at the club.  You want appreciation and attention for this remarkable feat.  You should text him/her so they are aware of this epiphany.

The dilemma: You’re drunk.  The above might not be considered logic.  

7.         Do I have my shit?

The logic: Purse, wallet, ID, phone, gum, money…

The dilemma: Where the hell is my money?

6.         Where is everyone?

The logic: You very VAGUELY remember saying goodbye to people, but at the same time, where were they going?  Did they take a taxi or a metro?  Did you say you were meeting somewhere?  All you know is they are not here; therefore, they are either waiting for you or somewhere else.

The dilemma: Do you look for them?  Do you remember saying you’d meet up after?  If so, where would you meet that’s both convenient and logical?  Maybe you can guess.  Maybe you can text them. Maybe you should go home.

5.         Do I take a taxi or suck it up and take the metro?

The logic: A taxi will get you home in about ¼ of the time.  The taxi drivers are everywhere and it’s freezing.  You’re drunk and you don’t know where you’re metro ticket is.  Maybe you should take a taxi for safety reasons.

The dilemma: A taxi is also like 25 euro more expensive.  Do you have taxi money?  Do you want to add that to your night’s final bill?  The metro is also full of interesting people and can provide lots of drunken amusement.

4.         Did I fall?

The logic: You have a throbbing pain coming from around your left ankle.  You must have ate shit at some point during the night.

The dilemma: You don’t remember falling.  Also, you don’t even know if it hurts or not.  You can’t really feel it anymore.  Actually, yes you can.  Wait, can you though?  You definitely didn’t fall.  If you fell there’d be like pictures or something.

 3.         Is the world this simple?

The logic: Is your biggest problem right now really taking the metro and maybe a broken ankle?  Do you really have anything to do right now?  What’s stopping you from Ryanair-ing the first flight out to Ibiza or California or Paris?  Is the world really this free?

The dilemma: You don’t have any sandwiches and these thoughts are getting too complicated.  {How to score a sandwich in Barcelona here} {How to score a sandwich in Madrid here} {How to score a sandwich in Orange County here} {How to score a sandwich in San Francisco here}

2.         If it’s really 6am, where’s the sun?

The logic: You’re pretty sure the sun should be out if it’s 6am.  You’re not that tired, or at least not as tired as you should be at 6am.  Maybe you’re phone is wrong and it’s really only 3, your friends are partying inside wondering where you are and you should go back in.

The dilemma: You’re pretty sure phones can’t be wrong about the time.  You’re even surer the club is closed.

1.         Am I actually awake?

The logic: Going from the previous, “if it’s 6am, where’s the sun?” thought, the next logical thought is maybe you’re asleep.  However, your ankle is definitely pounding and the world is spinning and you might puke at any second, which is definitely a sign of exhausted drunkenness.  You should go home and go to sleep.

The dilemma: You’ve seen inception, and one of the main signs that you’re dreaming is suddenly gaining conscious awareness without remembering how you got there.  You’ve totally had those nights where the party was super fun so you dream like you’re still there.  This could be one of those nights.  If that’s the case, you should do something crazy, like Ryanair-it to Ibiza, or California, or Paris.