Getting Home: Part 1

Unknown time, probably around 11pm, Italy Time

On a boat/ship of hell

So begins my 37 hour journey home.  I’m on a sleeper train with a sick Columbian grandma who won’t stop yelling in Spanish about how sick she is, her daughter, a gross women who is judging me for absolutely no reason, and a women I suspect is a prostitute.

I escaped the hellish compartment and went to the deck to calm down.  Already popped a benadril and debating popping a relax pill too. Wonder what the dangers of mixing relaxation herbs and ptfo drugs are.

Benadril not working.  Relax herbs starting to sound better each moment.

I boobytrapped the seat next to me on the boat.  If anyone tries to sit down their butt will be covered in Nutella.  Muhahaha.

There is 8 hours left of this train.  At least the plane will have movies.  I am seriously considering jumping overboard.

(10 minutes later)

Decided to take the relax pill.  I hope it works.  I think I will never travel from Taormina to Rome ever again.  It is now on my list of things I will just never do.  Wanna know why?  It sucks. That’s why.

I wish I had vicodin.  I knew I should have kept in touch with that one guy before I left.  Actually, no I don’t.  That guy was freaky weird and I think upon my return to the USA I will try to avoid the freaky weirdos of the world.

(5 minutes later)

Nutella boobytrap fail.  Guy came and decided to open conversation using iphone translator.  Nice at first.  Until he started propositioning we go “make love” for 30 minutes before the boat lands in Italy. W.t.f.  I considered throwing him overboard, but didn’t want to end up on locked up abroad.  Alternative two: my meanest most nastiest most mom like glare, added with a “get.the.hell.away.from.me.now.”  I really thought that even with the language barrier he would understand that my tone translated to I WILL END YOUR LIFE, but clearly Sicilians are retarded in that verbal code.  Or maybe in denial.  Who knows.  I decided to go back to my compartment but got lost because my compartment seemed to have changed locations from when I had left it (this is a possibility, btw, but unconfirmed).  So…that guy proved himself to at least have one use in the world and he helped me find my train.  Still a jerk though.  And no, I did not say goodbye.

BYE BYE SICILY.  Hello Italy!  Now, wish me luck because I think that two of these people are plotting my death and if that doesn’t work htere’s a chance I’m going to contract whatever deadly Columbian virus this women is carrying.

I feel fat from nutella and spaghetti.  I hope the prostitute doesn’t steal my passport or identity.  So sweaty. Want to go to sleep.

Update soon.

P.S. it’s 10:45 pm Italy time.  So nix any other time I said.

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