Gregor Samsa Attacks the Brit

June 22, 2011, 3:05 PM, Italy Time

The meeting spot after lunch

So…want to know what’s hilarious?  When a large ass unknown, unwinged beetle like thing falls from a tree and lands on someone’s head that isn’t yours.  Want to know what’s funnier? When that person is from Britain.

The scene plays like this: Bug falls.  You hear a “o no!” (don’t forget the British accent).  Stephanie, a girl from America (I think Ohio but I forget) says in a calm voice, “You are okay, don’t worry, just don’t move.”  She begins contemplating how the hell she is going to deal with the situation and James, still in shock, flings the Gregor Samsa wanna be from his head onto the ground.  Gregor Samsa rises up as if to say “WHAT THE HELL I WAS CHILLIN ON YOUR HEAD FOOL!”  James, in a state of shock, is rooted in horror.  He couldn’t talk or move.  Stephanie jumped into action and stepped on the bug, but it was too strong.  It rose up again menacingly, its tentacles waving in a fit of desperate fury.  That was just about all James could handle.  He made a noise that sounded like what would happen if a cat being strangled was combined with a piece of mozzarella cheese lodged in the top of his throat and jumped onto the pillar across from where he had been sitting.  Stephanie struck two more times and on the third time the Gregor was completely flattened.  James got his voice back a few minutes later.

“I didn’t know what the F*** it was! But now, the F***er is dead and I’m so glad.”

I am still laughing my ass off.

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