Sorry I Only Speak English?

June 18, 2011, 6:23 AM PST, 3:23 PM Hell time

So I arrived in Amsterdam and immediately tried to call my mom, only to realize Verizon hasn’t jumped on the whole globalization thing, so my phone won’t work in Europe.  I found internet after about an hour of walking around looking like an idiot.  After much googling, I confirmed my fears about Verizon’s incompetence.  Oh but don’t you worry!  If you are in freaking Sudan you are golden!  Just watch out for those roaming charges. Assholes.

Also, skype mobile only works via a connection, not WIFI, so that international number I bought won’t work.  It would be funny except it’s not.  One main reason it’s not is because I bought my first European purchase: a café crème, chosen because it looked most delicious.  Wrong.  This is 0 crème and now I feel like I just ingested liquid cocaine.  Not that I’ve ever done cocaine, but this is how I imagine it feeling.  I think I can probably punch the plane in the face.  SPEAKING OF PLANES…I’m 99 percent sure I’m at the wrong terminal or something, because I definitely don’t see a plane.

So, I asked some Italians.  I tried to act all nice, like oh hey, sorry I only speak English, but they are DEFINITELY laughing at me in Italian.  I know this because they keep looking at me and laughing.  The coffee is making me want to punch them in the face.

Also, I am on hour like…infinity of being awake.

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